Stress and Your Family: Part 2

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This was part 2 of a post that was posted originally in June of 2008, it was edited for length

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Okay, we talked about husbands...and those realizations have made a huge difference in how I have looked at him the last few days :)

So also when I realized some even more interesting things about my kids' stress.

I asked the question, how does stress effect them, and what does their stress look like? Conversely, how do I reduce their stress?

I found answers that encouraged me, alarmed me, and inspired me to be more alert to all of our stress levels. Here are some things I picked up on as a evidence of their stress ...

• Whining
• Fit throwing ..both more than their usual personalities
• Mean to siblings, or friends
• Discipline issues
• Physical aggression

Some things I have noted that cause them stress ...

• Lack of proper sleep
• Lack of proper rest (this may not be sleep, but just quiet)
• Too busy of a schedule
• Lack of consistent discipline
• Lack of routine (kids thrive on knowing what to expect!)
• MY stress stresses my kids
• Yelling (this one makes me sad ...and I have to work on it)
• Lack of healthy eating (especially protein intake)
• Too much sugar (this one is big for my kids!)
• Dehydration
• Lack of one-on-one time
• Clutter in their spaces (I was little shocked by that one!)
• My being on the phone or the internet

Its amazing, to note that when my kids have these stressors our discipline issues greatly increase. I can just about promise you if Ty is being especially hard to get along with, I have not given him the time he needs today. If they are getting hard to manage in public, could it be you need to be home more? If they are getting really whiney, consider if they have eaten, when and what? Dont forget water!

Think about what stress does to you, then imagine that your precious babies are feeling that same feeling. Is there something that I can do, or NOT do that will keep that from happening?
How often does YOUR stress effect them? Think about that bad day, that day you are feeling bad or are overwhelmed...where are the kids? what are they doing? what are they experiencing when they watch you in that state?

I for one, feel more motivated to keep my stress under control!

Some things I have considered to help their stress levels ...

• Control mine.
• Keep a schedule that allows them proper naps/quiet time
• Make sure they get proper meals, and fluid intake
• Make sure to schedule one-on-one times
• Consistent discipline ..if you say it, then follow through
• Keep a routine they can count on ..we make sure to do all our running around in the morning, so we can count on afternoon at home.
• Order in their spaces..its weird, but they seem more calm when they know where their things are, and where they go when they are done playing
• Using calm words, controlling my voice
• THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO RELIEVE THEIR STRESS...PLAY WITH THEM!

I know that I fall into the temptation of thinking being home is enough. I have to remind myself (or they will remind me!) that I need to really BE there, with them..one on one, eyeball to eyeball, skin to skin, toy to hand.

Remember, they are our purpose. NOTHING is more important than this job we have to do. NOTHING on your list is more important than those precious moments when you forget the dishes and play trains with your little boy. Your little girl will not forget the time you played tea party, dressup or make over (but not if the laundry is done).

One more thing, if you are aware of your kids love language then use that as a very useful way to reducing stress. Does focused time with your kids make a noted difference? Then set the timer for 15 minutes, and give it to them. Does touch create a connection with your babies? Then touch them every chance you can get, set the timer for 15 minutes and cuddle while you read a book. On days when they are driving you the most crazy, grab them up, consider their stress, and DESTRESS them.

Its energy worth using. Its time you cant get back...dont waste it on stress, for you or your kids!

Stress and Your Family: Part 1

Dont forget to enter for our Scentsy Warmer giveaway! 

 This is a post that was originally posted on June 10th, 2008. Rereading it today was a great reminder for me ..it is edited for length (I am seriously wordy, but I am working on it)

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Since I have determined that managing this home well, and leading those therein is my purpose and passion right now, it kinna changes how I look at the jobs I have to do here. I see my husband and my children as my most important job and responsibility.

Since I have started looking at them that way, I have started to consider what stress they are under? What stresses out the husband? What about my kids? What does their stress look like? What do I need to do to decrease all of THEIR stress levels? How does my stress effect them?

Lets start with Husbands ...

Since every one of these is different, they each would have their own triggers that causes stress. They carry so much weight with their jobs, family obligations, church obligations, financial pressure, pressure to provide, pressure to be good husbands and be Christian men in the world.

Our homes are to be their havens. Their center in the storm, their place of comfort and LEAST stress. I realize that there are alot of things that I can change to make it more so for him...

If you noticed that your being late to things causes him stress, its worth the effort to make the effort to be better about it.

If he says that having certain areas of the house out of control (the office, his closet) cause him stress, then help him to maintain a sense of order there (it may not be fair, but ...its our job)

If not having socks, underwear or other essentials available when he needs them is stressful, we need to make the effort to stay up on our laundry for his sake.

If it stresses him out to run out of deodorant, then try to make sure there is always a spare under the bathroom sink.

Arent sure what adds stress? Or are you really ready to make this a priority? Ask him. You may be surprised with his response!

With effort, and a mindset of service (and a little humility) we can make our homes havens for them, and in turn us. It speaks love to these boys to attempt to care for them, its tough but so worth it! You know your man better than anyone, so you know those things that give him a sense of "ahh, its good to be home"  ...

A 10-minute nag-free break when he first gets home, before handing him his "hunny please do" list

Energy for him at the end of the day ;)

Homecooked meals, or a cookie jar full of his favorite cookie


Watching the football game with him ..oh, and asking questions.


Allowing him a guilt-free golf trip, or night out with the guys 


Remember, when we manage our stress well,  then we get to give it to the things and people that are the most important. Even more so, when you CHOOSE to conserve your energy for those things and people.

What I have noticed myself, is when I do focus on me decreasing his stress level, I end up doing myself a favor as well. Often, the things that cause him stress (not having the laundry caught up) also cause me stress. When I use him as a motivation, I get the benefit of a 2 for 1 deal :)

Its a wonderful cycle.

Can you confess to something that you do that causes stress, and what you can do to make it better this week? Comon, we are all in the same boat here!

Not My Own

Another motivating factor for me, in respect to getting my stress levels under control, is the fact that my stress is not only my own.

As mothers, wives, administrators of our homes, the female influence in our churches and as we work in all the roles that come with those things, we have major influence on those around us.

When I am stressed, and allowing that stress to effect me in such a way that my life, mood, attitude is not reflecting that of Christ, then I am hurting the influence I may have for Christ in my world. When you think about the influence you have, with husbands, children, friends, shop clerks, customer service reps, strangers ..etc, etc., etc. ...we have alot of potential damage or encouragement to give.

Often, its the mother or woman of the house that sets the mood. If it is one of stress and anxiety, there is no way around it not effecting your home as well. If you have children, your stress effects both their stress levels, and what they perceive to be stressful. If you have a husband, your stress has direct effect on your relationship..right? What about how you speak with the customer service rep on the phone when there is a problem with your bill? Or the check out lady has messed up your coupons :)

When we allow our stress to overwhelm us, we cant be fooled into thinking that it only affects us. Think about times when someone close to you is stressed out the max, how did you feel when you were with them? Do you feel at peace, or a bit stressed yourself?

It makes this whole effort to de-stress ourselves an important focus. Its not only for our own sake, but for that of the kids, hubby and those around us. It doesnt mean that choas will not happen. But, it means that when it happens we are calm in the center of the storm. We need to be the ones that they look to for focus, redirecting, and control.