Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Christians Do "it" Wrong

Funny that this is the topic that I choose to open with after several months of blogging hiatus, but so it is. As the title suggests, I would like to propose that Christians aren't living out the dreams God has intended for us in terms of sex.

It's a challenge I have felt for a bit, but it seems like lately the need to speak out about it is increasing. Christians have allowed the world to affect their sex-lives. We have allowed the world to influence the purest of gifts, the most intimate moments between a Christian husband and wife.

At a point in time when marriages and the family are being attacked from every angle possible, Christians have allowed Satan to access our thoughts and  bedrooms to the detriment of both. You see, because sadly Christians don't look at sex much different than the world does.

Oh sure, we want to keep sex for marriage. But, aside from that how do we think differently about sex itself?

Consider some of the worldly views of sex:
  • It is the pinnacle of the human experience. It's the best feeling you can have, it's worth going to the ends of earth for. It's worth giving up relationships, throwing away careers, destroying reputations and losing integrity over. It's that great.
  • Married sex is boring. Monogamy is old-fashioned. Virginity is laughable.
  • After marriage, women aren't interested. They shouldn't do it if they don't want to.
  • Men are sex-crazy, and their need for sex makes them animals
  • Pornography is normal, and acceptable. Whether it is visual or written, if it inspires that great feeling then it's harmless and can't hurt anyone or any marriage. 
  • Bridges Over Madison County is the kind of sexual excitement we all deserve, even if we don't go for it
Sadly, it seems that often Christians change their stand on sex only in so much as we outlaw sex outside of marriage. But, we still look the same when it comes to the view of sex inside marriage. We clearly want sex to stay at home, but what of the other views of marriage that can prove so distructive not only to our own marriages but also affect our children's view of sex and marriage?

Reading facebook statuses/comments, listening to conversations, reading blogs and talking to other Christian women I know that many of our views of sex inside of a marriage are the same as that of the world.
  • We withhold sex and use it to manipulate our husbands, just like the world does
  • We allow pornography into our homes for the benefit of our husbands, if it helps us not be obligated
  • We allow ourselves to read/watch impure things because it excites us and helps us feel more interested
  • We buy into our husbands needs being animalistic and demanding
  • We call the shots, if we aren't interested then it ain't happening
  • We live, talk and act as if sex meets only the needs of a man - and they are selfish for needing it.
Is our view of sex so different than that of the world?

Sex has become this ugly, dirty thing that even Christians don't talk about. And we are the ones who are supposedly doing it "right"!
 The truth is that sex as the world sees it is so far off track from how God designed it.
  • It was designed to be a union between a man and his wife. 
  • It was designed as a way to both exhibit self-control, and unselfishness
  • It was a blessing of our bodies, a supplement to the closeness we feel othewise
  • It was a demonstration of our affection for the one we chose in our youth
  • It is pure. Not defiled. Not ugly. 
But Christians treat it like is. We treat it like it's something to be avoided before marriage, and something we do not talk about after marriage.  The world has altered our understanding of sex, and what it is meant to accomplish for us.

It is not the pinnacle of the human experience, it just helps demonstrate it. It is not for meeting the natural needs of a man, but an opportunity of both a man and woman to meet each other's needs. It's not about getting what a person needs, but giving to someone else what they need.

As Christian woman we have to change how we are doing things. We have to recognize that the world has influenced our view of sex, and it is ruining it for us and our marriages. When we buy into the world's take on it, we miss out on some amazing benefits of this precious gift.

May I gently challenge ...
  • When we see it as a way to manipulate our husbands we are being selfish.
  • When we see and condemn a God-given aspect of our husbands as ridulous and barbaric, we are not honoring our men as we should
  • When we allow our husbands to be tempted by something like pornography so that we don't have to give of ourselves, we are handing them over to the enemy
  • When we allow any one, any book or any movie to do for us what we should allow our husbands to do for us, we are withholding something that belongs to them alone. 

Women of God, we need to change "it". We need to change the way that we view this sacred gift. We need to kick the world out of our bedrooms, and allow our intimate moments to not be marred by its ugliness.

Dear sister, when we do things the way God designed them we will always, always find ourselves in a much better place than even the most wonderful experience that the world has to offer. I promise.

Believe it or not, this passion is born from my own desire to prepare my children for the world's ugly view of sex. I have realized that if I want my sons to wait until they are married, then as a Christian community we have to make sure they believe it is something worth waiting for!

Our children are under attack girls. Our baby boys and girls are being stalked like prey. Until we start changing our strategy from "just don't do it" to something a bit more convincing, Satan will win this battle. 
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