Comparing ourselves to others is dangerous on several levels.
To compare ourselves to others in a way that leaves us feeling inadequate is not fair to us, as we are using a standard that is less than perfect.
To compare ourselves to others in a way that leaves us feeling superior, is not fair as it also uses a standard that is less than perfect :)
Comparisons are natural, as we are constantly measuring ourselves up to those around us to determine if we are being accepted, fitting in, are "good enough" according to the variable standard of those around us. We desire to measure ourselves, and be found at least as good as everyone else.
Often, as women when we look and compare, we walk away feeling less than adequate. We chose to look at the women who have cleaner homes, better behaved children, more money, a better-looking husband, or a thinner body. We use this comparison tendency to cut ourselves down, and increase our expectations of ourselves to unrealistic levels. We use our mental, emotional, physical resources to seek, or at least desire to be like someone other than us.
God does not desire this for us, though. He doesnt even desire us to compare ourselves TO ourselves..that isnt a good enough ruler either. He asks us to only compare ourselves to His ruler, which is not based on the "natural" desires of our heart which are so variable and wish-washy...."We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise" 2 Corinthians 10:12
We cant even trust ourselves to act as measure, we arent worthy of such a task...
"For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends." 2 Corinthians 10:18
Comparing ourselves to others, for whatever reason is not a good use of the mental resources that God intends to use for teaching us things of Him.
Remember, when you struggle with these or any other oppressive thoughts that cause you question your worth ..."We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Mind Control: Perfectionism
I dont know you, necessarily ..but I would guess that I would right to say that, like me..you may struggle with perfectionism at times.
Now, am not a perfectionist. Everything I do doesnt have to be perfect ..I am okay if my house is less than stellar all the time, I dont mind a wrinkle or a stain on the kids clothes, my projects dont have to be without mistakes. I am not a perfectionist.
I do, however, struggle with perfectionism.
That is, if I dont like it when I cant do something all the way, or to the degree that things are just the way that I want to do them, I dont want to do it :) Or, I mentally determine that something isnt worth doing if I have already failed to be able to do that thing, perfectly.
For example, I often talk myself out of drinking the water I need to today, because the day is half over and I havent even started on my 8 glasses. Or, if I dont have time to fold and put away the laundry right now, then I will put it off until I do. Or, if I cant start, work on, and finish cleaning out the closet all today ..then why start?
I know I am not alone in this one :)
I am learning, a little at a time, that my need to complete those things all at once and to the standard that I really want ..may be unrealistic considering my resources at the moment. It may be unrealistic for me to think that any time in the next three years will I have the time it takes to start, work on and finish the garage. But, I may have an hour today, and a couple of other days this week.
I may not have the time to fold and put away the laundry right now, but how bout just folding ..that is one part down, then only one to go next time I have a free minute. I may have not had a sip of water all day, but I can still get 3 in before I head to bed and that is better than none all day.
When I started really paying attention to how I often I let this thought process keep me from doing what needs doing, I realized I do it alot!
There is another one I use alot ...I am already 5 months behind in reading my bible every day this year, so why start now? I have missed every other week of the bible study at church up to this point, and I dont want to jump in midway! I have already busted my chances of getting three workouts in this week, so I will just try again next week! :)
We need to make sure that our need for perfection doesnt keep us from doing what we need to do right now, and learn to be okay with doing things less than perfectly. Sometimes, part way is better than not at all, and doing a little here and little there will eventually get you to your goal.
Remember, that God never called us to be perfect. He is glorified in our unperfectness, in fact.
Now, am not a perfectionist. Everything I do doesnt have to be perfect ..I am okay if my house is less than stellar all the time, I dont mind a wrinkle or a stain on the kids clothes, my projects dont have to be without mistakes. I am not a perfectionist.
I do, however, struggle with perfectionism.
That is, if I dont like it when I cant do something all the way, or to the degree that things are just the way that I want to do them, I dont want to do it :) Or, I mentally determine that something isnt worth doing if I have already failed to be able to do that thing, perfectly.
For example, I often talk myself out of drinking the water I need to today, because the day is half over and I havent even started on my 8 glasses. Or, if I dont have time to fold and put away the laundry right now, then I will put it off until I do. Or, if I cant start, work on, and finish cleaning out the closet all today ..then why start?
I know I am not alone in this one :)
I am learning, a little at a time, that my need to complete those things all at once and to the standard that I really want ..may be unrealistic considering my resources at the moment. It may be unrealistic for me to think that any time in the next three years will I have the time it takes to start, work on and finish the garage. But, I may have an hour today, and a couple of other days this week.
I may not have the time to fold and put away the laundry right now, but how bout just folding ..that is one part down, then only one to go next time I have a free minute. I may have not had a sip of water all day, but I can still get 3 in before I head to bed and that is better than none all day.
When I started really paying attention to how I often I let this thought process keep me from doing what needs doing, I realized I do it alot!
There is another one I use alot ...I am already 5 months behind in reading my bible every day this year, so why start now? I have missed every other week of the bible study at church up to this point, and I dont want to jump in midway! I have already busted my chances of getting three workouts in this week, so I will just try again next week! :)
We need to make sure that our need for perfection doesnt keep us from doing what we need to do right now, and learn to be okay with doing things less than perfectly. Sometimes, part way is better than not at all, and doing a little here and little there will eventually get you to your goal.
Remember, that God never called us to be perfect. He is glorified in our unperfectness, in fact.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corithians 12:9
2 Corithians 12:9
Doesnt that take some of the pressure off? :)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Week 7: DeStressing our Minds
I think we underestimate the power of our minds, and so also the resource that it is for doing the Lord's work in our lives.
From the beginning of the Israel, God spoke to His people about keeping his faithfulness on the forefront of their minds.
As part of their law, he called them to "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates..." Deut 11:19-20
God knows we are forgetful people. He knows we must be reminded, and keep both his promises and His faithfulness always before us. He called the Israelites to regularly recall His great acts of power in their nation..because He knew they would forget. He knew that His great power would fade in their memory unless it was ever before them. He knew what their minds were capable of, and how they fell short.
He asks the Israelites and, likewise us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength." Deut 6:5 and Mark 12:30
And, we are called to Christ and in order to become what we are meant to, we are required to ".. not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
Our minds are a powerful tool in the hand of the God who created it. We need to make sure we are making it available to the Spirit for His work in us.
How?
By being aware of our thoughts. By not buying into the lies of the world around us, that tell us that we can't help what we think, and that as long as they stay thoughts they are harmless. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
We must be willing..."And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever" I Chronicles 28:9
We must replace ungodly, anxious thoughts with prayer and praise, "I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23
Oh, and while we are thinking on such things ...what are ungodly thoughts? "Easy..." :)
In case you dont have it memorized yet ...""whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8
This week, work on decluttering your mind. Ask God to help you identify those thoughts that are not useful to His will in your life, and then ask Him to give you the strength and ability to get RID of them, get CONTROL of them, get a new PERSPECTIVE on them, and give them to God, again!
Pondering Point: What thoughts do I struggle with that are wasteful of the resources of my mind given me by my Creator?
Verse of the Week: "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8 ...I know, but it is such a great verse!
Discussion Questions: In what ways do you see that you or others are wasting our mental resources? By mentally comparing yourself with others? By unhealthy thoughts about yourself? By pondering things that arent worthy of a christian woman?
From the beginning of the Israel, God spoke to His people about keeping his faithfulness on the forefront of their minds.
As part of their law, he called them to "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates..." Deut 11:19-20
God knows we are forgetful people. He knows we must be reminded, and keep both his promises and His faithfulness always before us. He called the Israelites to regularly recall His great acts of power in their nation..because He knew they would forget. He knew that His great power would fade in their memory unless it was ever before them. He knew what their minds were capable of, and how they fell short.
He asks the Israelites and, likewise us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength." Deut 6:5 and Mark 12:30
And, we are called to Christ and in order to become what we are meant to, we are required to ".. not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
Our minds are a powerful tool in the hand of the God who created it. We need to make sure we are making it available to the Spirit for His work in us.
How?
By being aware of our thoughts. By not buying into the lies of the world around us, that tell us that we can't help what we think, and that as long as they stay thoughts they are harmless. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
We must be willing..."And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever" I Chronicles 28:9
We must replace ungodly, anxious thoughts with prayer and praise, "I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23
Oh, and while we are thinking on such things ...what are ungodly thoughts? "Easy..." :)
In case you dont have it memorized yet ...""whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8
This week, work on decluttering your mind. Ask God to help you identify those thoughts that are not useful to His will in your life, and then ask Him to give you the strength and ability to get RID of them, get CONTROL of them, get a new PERSPECTIVE on them, and give them to God, again!
Pondering Point: What thoughts do I struggle with that are wasteful of the resources of my mind given me by my Creator?
Verse of the Week: "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8 ...I know, but it is such a great verse!
Discussion Questions: In what ways do you see that you or others are wasting our mental resources? By mentally comparing yourself with others? By unhealthy thoughts about yourself? By pondering things that arent worthy of a christian woman?
Resource Managment: Give it to GOD, again
"Trust in the Lord, with all of your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5
So often things are simply beyond our control. We cannot do one thing about it. Getting rid of it, making a new plan, getting an new perspective or getting it done doesnt work as a solution. There is nothing to do BUT give it totally to God, and trust that in His wisdom it will work to His glory.
Certainly, doing so is easier said than done. It is a skill, that deserves practice and constant assurance that you have still left it there. God's hands are more capable than ours, and dont forget that really we know too little of the whole story to make the proper decisions anyways!
Again, only time with Him on a constant basis can ensure that your heart is fully surrendered to His bidding. Only constant reminding via scriptures of His promises, His truths and His faithfulness can keep our little forgetful brains focused in that direction.
There is true peace waiting, for those hearts that allow Him to bear the burden of your heart, soul, mind and body. Never underestimate Him, and His ability to give you peace beyond understanding...
Certainly, doing so is easier said than done. It is a skill, that deserves practice and constant assurance that you have still left it there. God's hands are more capable than ours, and dont forget that really we know too little of the whole story to make the proper decisions anyways!
Again, only time with Him on a constant basis can ensure that your heart is fully surrendered to His bidding. Only constant reminding via scriptures of His promises, His truths and His faithfulness can keep our little forgetful brains focused in that direction.
There is true peace waiting, for those hearts that allow Him to bear the burden of your heart, soul, mind and body. Never underestimate Him, and His ability to give you peace beyond understanding...
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Resource Management: Get a new PERSPECTIVE
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Perspective has so much to do with the things we identify as stressful. And, we misuse alot of our resources because we have the wrong perspective on things.
Being able to put things in their place, so to speak, can go a long way to our being able let things go and let God take control of them.
Changing how you see people, how you view your resources, how you see your work, how you view the time you have with your kids, how you see blessings or suffering in your life ..all can enable or deter you from being able to find peace in those areas.
The only way we can ensure that our perspective is such that peace is the result, is when our perspective is based on truth. That can only be found in our daily interactions with the Truth Giver and His word. Our eyes will only see with wisdom, if we learn from the Teacher the things of eternity as they lie in contrast to those "light and momentary" things.
Daily time with God is essential for having the right perspective on the world and situations around us.
If you dont already, make daily time for God and ask for His eternal perspective for your life. It will not only decrease your stress, but more importantly, therein lies the only true peace.
Being able to put things in their place, so to speak, can go a long way to our being able let things go and let God take control of them.
Changing how you see people, how you view your resources, how you see your work, how you view the time you have with your kids, how you see blessings or suffering in your life ..all can enable or deter you from being able to find peace in those areas.
The only way we can ensure that our perspective is such that peace is the result, is when our perspective is based on truth. That can only be found in our daily interactions with the Truth Giver and His word. Our eyes will only see with wisdom, if we learn from the Teacher the things of eternity as they lie in contrast to those "light and momentary" things.
Daily time with God is essential for having the right perspective on the world and situations around us.
If you dont already, make daily time for God and ask for His eternal perspective for your life. It will not only decrease your stress, but more importantly, therein lies the only true peace.
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