Get a new PLAN!

As a planner, and a person who really appreciates a well ordered system. I find myself applying them any where and any time I can. I love to see a system work well for me, and even better when it can translate to other people...clearly :)

I have found that often, my Stress List is comprised of things that require some kind of system in order to get it under control, get it done or even to get rid of it!  It may be a system to keep my housework broken down into easy to get done assignments for myself, a plan for getting laundry done, a system to store my coupons or a way to manage my finances.  All of these things require a plan of some kind, a way to do it that I find helps me get my goals met.

The thing is, that since every system or plan requires our resources (time, energy, effort, finances, etc.) and since our resources are dynamic from day to day ...then, often we have to be willing to adjust the way we do things to meet what resources we have to give to that plan or system.

Meaning, you can have the best plan in the world ...if you dont have what it takes to fulfill that plan, then it aint so great!

Sometimes, we have plans that work great given one set of resources but it doesnt pan out when our resources shift. Perfect example:  when I had no children, I had a beautiful system for keeping my home decluttered, deep cleaned, picked up and ordered all the time or with little effort. NOW, that system is a laughable since I have three boys who make any effort at "decluttering" a joke! :)

Sometimes we let things stress us out because we insist that a plan works for us, and we keep doing things in a less-than-effective way. Accepting that a plan may not work any more, and developing a new one may be a great way to reduce some stress. Or, accepting that someone ELSE's plan may not work for us! How many times has this been a source of guilt and stress for me?! ...alot. The same plan doesnt work for everyone and even your best plan may not always work for you.

Amy, from Raising Arrows is a homeschooler of "many children", and has some great ideas along these lines which she shares on her blog. I loved her statement she made regarding a schooling system that she had raved about at one point:

"I wanted to say one thing here because I used to be one of those people who lamented the fact that I NEVER seemed to find something that worked well enough to stick with it for a hundred years. It is okay to change things. It is okay to admit something you raved about it doesn’t work anymore. It is okay to search for a solution that does work."


Its hard to give up on a great plan, but if it doesnt work then its creating stress and taking away your ability to use your resources effectively.

What things on your Stress List could use a system revamp? 

Get OVER it!

 This was originally posted June 2008 ..I didnt edit this one too much..yay me!

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I know, it sounds harsh.

I have to say though, this one I think can help us with a good majority of the stresses we have in our day and our life.

Dont get me wrong. There are plenty of things that we simply cant let go, or deny ourselves right to feel about. Death of a loved one, heart sick issues, marriage relationships, abusive situations..these cant be "gotten over".

But, there are plenty of things that we can really tell ourselves to move pass, give up, get over.

You know what I am talking about. We girls are the worst about mulling over, creating mountains out of mole hills, enlarging, sharing, fretting, building up our emotions by feeding the stress til it takes over our minds and spirits.

Its a girl thing, but not necessarily a good one.

Think about how much stress you can free yourself of by simply telling yourself on the onset, that you simply must let it go.

This strategy doesnt work for those things that need to be done. You cant get over laundry, doing dishes, or grocery shopping. But, you can get over the socks he left on the floor, the words someone said, the worry or fretting over something you cant control, the fact that someone is doing something a different way than you would, etc.

This is a DECISION. You have to decide you will let it go. You decide what you allow to stress you out, work you up, make you "crazy" ..you have to decide to not let it.

You will feel better. I promise.

Consider too, when you allow yourself to get stressed about anything it effects others whether it be the kids, the husband, the best friend, the guy at the grocery store, or the customer service guy on the phone. Our stress levels dont just effect us. We owe it to ALL of those people to let go of stuff when we can :)

Need a little extra help to do that?

Pray. Pray for the ability to do so. Pray for peace. Pray for forgiveness. Pray for patience. Pray for mercy. Pray for a different perspective. Pray for him instead of getting mad about his socks. Pray her instead of thinking about her careless words.

Wow. Courtney the 2008 edition was a little harsh. 
She is right though, I gotta work on that..what about you?

My Stress List

I referenced my Stress List in the post about my Stress Less Journal last week. I wrote about it while ago, but like so many of the ideas I had a couple of years ago I have refined it a bit and can explain it in less words now :)

The Stress List is something that I use to purposefully identify the areas of stress in my own life. Because I noted that I had stress, I needed to identify where it was coming from. Writing it down helped me see what was up, and put a name to my 1000 little things that added up to a general overall feeling of being overwhelmed. It really works for me!

Even before that, though, I had to note what my stress felt like. I found that for me, stress was a tightness in my chest, a quesiness in my stomach, tight shoulders and a general sense of "yuck". I still do sometimes. I have learned the beginning of that feeling, and dont let it get to the point that I am totally overwhelmed very often..that is because I know what it feels like. I note it on purpose.

My Stress List is something that I make as a way to identify what is causing that feeling.  When I first started really focusing on what was causing my general feeling of stressed out, I did this on a very regular/daily basis.  Now that I am very familiar with what makes me feel that way, I dont have to inventory it quite as often. But, when I am feeling overwhelmed it is the first thing I do.

I put everything that is causing me stress ..from the dishes needing washed, to the budget needing caught up. I may be fretting over the relationship between two people I love, or that I am behind on my weekly Bible study. I may need to pay a bill, or make a grocery list.  I may be feeling overweight, or like the closet in the kids room is a mess.  I may be frustrated that their is mold in the shower, or that my husband and I havent gone on a date in a year.  I may be heart heavy that a friend is dying, or need to schedule a check up for my kids.

Whatever is weighing on me, I note it. No matter how small, or insignificant. No matter how huge or obvious. Sometimes I write it down, sometimes I dont.

Only when I can see what I am dealing with, can I attack it with gusto. Only then can I give it to God as the first step in getting rid of my stresses, one at a time.

I know God doesnt probably worry too much about my feeling fat, but he does love that I bring that feeling to him and ask him to rid me of it or give me the strength to do something about it.

 THEN, I can apply some Stress Strategies to the list!  We will look at some strategies that will help knock out those stresses a little bit a time ... get rid of it, get over it, get it done, get a new plan, get a new perspective, get control of it ..and then give it to God, again.

What is on your stress list today? No matter how small ....

Plan of Attack

So, I am a very practical person. I like practical solutions, straight forward answers. Once I see a problem I want to fix it, and be done with it.

So naturally once I realized I had all this stress looming about me I had to come up with a solution for it.

First, I shall not forget that this is for the purpose of being better equipped for God's purpose for me. Good. Cause some of these things are gonna take work and its nice to know He is on my side :)

Then, I start to keep a list.

I love lists.

They are concise, and clean. I can mark it off and its done. If its not done I can see and it challenges me to take are of it. They keep me on task.

I renamed my "To Do" list, and called it what it was. It is now my "Stress List."

On my stress list I put anything that I realize at any point is causing me stress. I put everything from worrying about a friend or family member, to needing to go grocery shopping, or do the bills. I may put that I feel fat today, or that I havent worked out in a week. I may put the hole in the wall in the bathroom needs fixed, or the laundry needs put away. I may put that my heart is really heavy about a friend losing her dad, or a friend in the last stages of a pregnancy and I worry for them. I may put that I need to study for bible class, or I promised someone I would watch their kids today. I might put that Ty is being really disrespectful, and Canon wont "stop" when I tell him to. Maybe I realize the kids havent been out of the house for a week, or I need out of the house! It may be that I havent spent anytime with my husband, girlfriends, mom or sisters lately, and I need to.

I put everything.

I have used that time that I make my list everyday to also make it a time to give each of the things to God. That first.

I am not sure He cares about the hole in the wall in the bathroom, but writing it down and telling Him about it reminds me to be thankful for the house the wall with the hole in it..is in.

I also keep it running all day. Whenever I realize something..I write it down. Or, at the very least make a mental note of it.

I have my Stress List in my Flylady inspired "Control Journal" You can also put in your "Home Management Binder", brought to you by another home management website called Keeping the Home. I think I am gonna work on my own and call it my Stress Less Journal and combine the two. Or, you can put it anywhere you keep your lists.

Having it written makes it more real, and thus more attackable.

Then, we move on to deploying our weapons.

Stress Less Strategies

I started pondering these and I have learned to use them pretty regularly. They make me less stressed :)

Aside from giving them to God from the realization point, look at your stress and apply one of these:

1) Get RID of it
2) Get CONTROL of it
3) Get it DONE
4) Get OVER it
5) Give it to GOD, again.

I decided this week to add two more, Get a new PLAN ..because sometimes the strategy we chose doesnt work out, and we just have to rethink it. And, Get a new PERSPECTIVE, cause sometimes thats all it takes.


Get RID of it, that one is pretty clear but its a great one! So often stuff makes us feel stressed. Whether its because we have too much of something, we dont have room for it, it makes us feel guilty for some reason (clothes that dont fit in your closet), its old and broken, its dirty or worn out. Getting rid of stuff is SO freeing! And, less stuff means less to stress over!

I wrote on my other blog about this topic, with some tips on how to make it happen. If you are interested, click here.

One other thing you can apply this to, is your schedule. If there are things there that are stressing you get rid of it from your schedule. Too much time away from home? Might need to look at what you can get rid of!

Get CONTROL of it. I came up with this one specifically to deal with my laundry! I hate laundry. It stresses me out. But I cant get rid of it. So, it must be dealt with it. So, I have to figure out a solution to get control of it. Doing things the way I was doing them was too stressful. I waited and did it all in one day, but fell short of completing the project cause I HATE putting it away. I would end up with baskets of clean but either not folded, or folded but not put away laundry. I had to get control of it.

When I am on my game I do one or two loads a day, completing it all the way through the put away. ON a good day. Like I said, I am still on this journey. I havent arrived yet.

Get it DONE. This applies to most of the things on my daily Stress Lists. Its the grocery shopping, the bill paying, the studying for class, etc. Its the stuff that there is no other solution for besides doing it. Thing is, the stress is usually there in the first place because we put things off, thus creating more stress. SO, by having a "get it done", "just do it"attitude we can avoid alot of stress on ourselves!

Get OVER it. You know exactly what I mean girls. There are alot of things we stress over that we really neednt stress over. OR, the stressing doesnt help much, right? The socks he leaves on the floor every day? Stressful ..on you and him when you holler at him for it. But, if you chose (and you CAN) to get over it ..you will avoid alot of stress.

Also, this applies when we allow ourselves to get stressed over things that people say or do that irritate or upset us. We tend to ponder, discuss, ponder, sulk, ponder and create MORE stress for ourselves with the pondering. Our discussing and otherwise can also create stress for other people (the husband, mom, friend who has to listen to it!) ...so if you can, get over it sista.

Remember, you cant always chose what happens to you, but you can chose your reaction to it.

Get a new PLAN. Like I said, sometimes we have dealt with a stressor and it comes back. It may be a sign that we need to handle it differently. Did you TRY to get control of the laundry but you still were overwhelmed by it? Then maybe try getting rid of some of it by decreasing the number of outfits your kids have at their disposal. Did you try putting the dog food up where the 18 month old couldnt reach it (you thought) but they found it anyways? Get a new plan. Reorder. Reorganize. Reprioritize.

Get a new PERSPECTIVE. This one could go hand in hand with get over it but a little unique in that it asks for a different view point. Its about changing your attitude ..like, you have a ton to do today but one of the kids are sick and wont let you put them down but, you get a new perspective and realize that you have a good excuse to sit and read books to your kids all day and let the laundry go!

Then, Give it GOD, again. Thing is, there is plenty of things that cause us stress that we can do nothing about. We can continue allowing those things to sap energy from our spirits, or give them to someone who can handle it.

Remember to, "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." I Peter 5:7 (NLT)

And dont forget the goal. Its to be more able to hear His calling, to do His bidding and to be used as a tool for Him. Ask Him to show you the best strategy to deal with it - it certainly doesnt have to fit in any of these categories but He will show you if you ask Him!

Pulling it All Together

Now, go back to your list and apply one of these to each of the things on your list.

I found that when I did this, I had a great idea of where I needed to focus my energy. I had an idea of where my day needed to go to come out less stressed by the end. I realized I need to focus DAILY on my get control stuff, and I needed to plan a Goodwill trip for the get rid of stuff sometime this week, I needed to plan a get it done grocery shopping trip TODAY, and I needed to get a new plan for the kids' discipline issues AND get it done. I saw where I just shift my perspective, thus changing my outcomes.

Another little tidbit, when you do this, you come up with a great give it to God list, aka, a "prayer list" ..but that is another journal all together :)

So, make sense? If not, let me know ...and share if you use them or we need to add a strategy or two!

Thanks for taking this walk with me, I feel less stressed just having you here! :)