7: Stress - Part Two

We are moving in 10 days. In a week and a half we will be moving our little family from Charleston, SC to Nashville, TN. SC has been our home for 9 wonderful years. My husband I moved here as newlyweds, made three babies here and here we decided to embrace the simplicity of life it turns out we both crave. We are moving closer to family, and towards good plans that God has planned for us.

We are so excited about our next steps ...God is good.

This week will no doubt be one of the most stressful ones of our year so far - we have an abundance of packing, sorting, getting rid of (after all, we also fasting from excess in our possessions ..a great time to think about that is when you are packing it all up into individual boxes!) and other details (like getting  a JOB!) to think about as we prepare.

What a better week to focus on the best stress reliever ever?

Part One of the 7: Stress fast was a week or so ago. Part Two will be this coming week where I will focus more diligently on taking time to embrace the seven pauses that JH talks about in "7: an experimental mutiny against excess"

It will be awesome to see how focusing on God will affect this week of stress :)

I will post in real time this week ...

Day One - Week Two

One of my favorite pauses is The Awakening Hour. Its the first one of the day, and it is the one I have found is the easiest to do. That is, assuming I beat the kids up and get to enjoy some quiet before the day begins. On my prayer blog (my version of a prayer journal) I have taken more time to focus on this time of day, at least in written form. 

I love to ponder what the day holds, and to ask blessings on all that both we and God have planned for us. I also love the "new mercies every morning" part. This one strikes me especially as a blessing because the week since we started the moving process I have woken up every morning around 4am in a panic. My brain won't let me sleep, and I keep rehearsing lists of things I need to do and things I should have done already. Its also in this hour, in my compromised mind and heart that Satan takes a chance to remind me of all my failings in the day past. He reminds me of my harsh words, and my unkind gestures towards my kids. He recalls my weaknesses and highlights for me in 3D color. 

The Awakening Hour is my chance to put all those things to rest - to give the reasons for anxiety to God and embrace the promise of new mercies on this day. 

Thank You, God for new mercies. 

Day Two - Week Two

Today was one of the most stressful ones so far in this move process.  It seemed always fated when my alarm would go off to remind me of a pause, since they seemed to ring at the times when things were peaking and the stress was mounting. 

Yesterday, during Twilight Hour, we sold our little car. It had been posted on Craigslist for 10 minutes before I got the call from the guy who bought it.   Coincidence? Maybe, but I think God was working on it for us! :)

One thing that I am noting, as I had noted my last week to really work on it, is that a "pause" often is just that. It is not an hour of prayer, or a full-fledged devotional. It often can only be a small pause in the day - a deep breath where I give it all to God and then jump back on the crazy train. 

But even these small moments are beneficial - they are heart and mind focusing. They, more than once, have stopped a downward spiral to anxious/fearful thinking. I didnt observe each and every pause today. Often they came in the middle of a phone conversation or something where I couldnt really focus my brain the moment. I will work more definitively pausing tomorrow - even still, the last pause of the night before I drift off.  Good Night.

Day Five - Week Two 

As the weekend approaches, the last long weekend before our big move (we pull out a week from today), I am grateful for reminders to pause this week. 


My most difficult pauses are the noon time one (The Illumination Hour) and the early evening one (The Twilight Hour). These ones seems to pop up at the most stressful parts of our day when even a short pause seems crazy. These are some of the loudest times of our day - with things being a bit nuts and usually attitudes are the least productive for a good, thoughtful pause. 

I guess it's these times when recognizing these pauses are the most important - but man is it hard to go from yelling at kids to standing before the throne of God with a humble and contrite heart. Its hard to go from 75 to 0 in seconds flat. 

How crazy is it that such moments are so hard to come by? And how sad that its my own state of mind and state of heart that makes it hard? How wonderful to one day remain in such a state of heart as I am in now, when at the beginning of the day when my heart is humble, submissive and willing to lay anything and everything at the feet of Jesus?  What a day when these pauses are just a supplement to my hearts constant prayers and when these pauses do not stand in stark contrast to my current state of mind?

Wrap Up:

Well, according to my phone and its reminders I have been working on using the 7 pauses for about three weeks. Yes, these are literally some of more stressful weeks of my life this far in 2012 - but the pauses have kept God and the True Source of Peace in the forefront of my mind through all of them.

We are moving in three short days. Things are coming down to the wire - we have all that little, irritating stuff left to do.  In order to survive it all, these pauses are going to be most necessary. 

While my first line of defense against stress is to do what we need to do to get rid of the things that make us that way, there are so many times in our lives when getting rid of those sources just doesnt work. So often we find ourselves in the midst of chaos that we have no control over, that is nothing about how we managed anything, or how organized we are. Its just part of life.

These are the moments when we have the ability to tap into the unlimited supply of God's grace and peace. These moments are the ones where peace makes no sense, and that's why we end up in praise to God for providing it anyways.  

The 7 pauses were a great chance for me focus on that - to stop in the middle of my chaotic day and remember He whose child I am, stressful moments or not. 
 

7: Stress - Part One

Stress. Well, fasting from stress is pretty much my thing.

My desire to separate my life from the stressful stream that surrounds us is what started the "Living Peacefully Less Stressed" effort. It's the motivation behind the Everything You Need bible study and speaking topic.

JH takes a totally different approach, however to her fast from stress than I have. Her fast is more focused on bringing in moments of peaceful quiet, rather than getting rid of stuff. She works in her month to incorporate 7 'pauses' into her day, each with a purposeful mindset of prayer.

Taking times throughout the day to pause, to reflect and to pray draws the spirit into a place of calm even amongst the chaos of our daily stresses.

Now JH puts this fast at the end of her list of fasts. It is the last one on her list and clearly it fits there perfectly for her. I love her month of embracing less stress. I found her chapter on stress and the seven pauses such a blessing I couldn't put those at the end of my list. I have actually been working on them ever since I read it.

My posting for this week will be two parts ...Week One (also, Part One), is the week or so ago that I started implementing the pauses. Week Two, (Park Two) is this week in real time. This week will be one of the most stressful ones of my year so far so I wanted to really focus some attention on stress and the pauses.  I thought you many want to do that with me :)
 
I am looking forward to making these pauses part of my days in my week!

Day One -Week One

The seven pauses that JH calls us to are focused on intercession, asking for wisdom, requests for blessing, recognizing moments of awareness, offering gratitude and several more purposeful mental reflections at set times of day.

I set my iphone to the times of day that each 'pause' corresponds to. I hope to use my phone to help me focus more, rather than distract me. With the need to fit 7 pauses in within my waking hours, I am reminded every few hours to pause and reflect. Being as my phone with me 100% of the time, my alarms will help remind me to take those moments ..maybe even to put my phone away to do it (insert my feigning shock).

I will admit that this feels a little weird, it feels like I am praying all the time.  Hm.. seems like there is something in the bible about that ...

Day Two - Week One

Kim sent me a journal for my birthday today! She has broken it up into seven sections, each with a simple illustration and wording noting each of the 7 pauses. She has also written a prayer and some of the verses given in the book.  I am excited to have a place to go to help center my mind, and a simple place to jot down prayers when I take my pauses.

Today, using the alarms on my phone I was able to at the very least have a simple pause to recognize each of the times.  Sometimes it's just a deep breath, but I can tell that those are helping center me a bit.

Day Four - Week One

Two different times today I have thought to pause just seconds before my alarm goes off! I am anticipating those moments that I get to pause and reflect for a moment.  Yay me.

I am finding that The Twilight Hour is one of my hardest times. This is during the busiest, most frustrating parts of my day.  The "Twilight" hour corresponds perfectly with the time when my two year old is at his grumpiest, my kids are at their hungriest, my husband is at his most needing to get out the door for his night shift at the hospital,  dinner is the most needing to be on the table and I am over all of it.

Of course, this pause is really the one that I need the most. Its the one the my mind is least ready for, though. When that alarm goes off I will not lie and tell you that I literally give God an eye-roll.  

Really? Right now you want me to pause?

Joshua is screaming, Canon is talking my ear off with an occasional crying fit, Ty is bouncing off the walls and every elevated surface, Adrian is watching the news loudly because of the noise level, I am (trying to be) cooking dinner, Josh just pulled one of the plates off the counter, I have to wash some of the dishes just to feed people, the oil is smoking and I think I am going to cry...and you want me to pause.

Okay. Fine...but just so you know this is a sacrifice.

Day Six - Week One

We just got word that we will be moving in three weeks! AGH! I am so excited for what God has planned for us! 

I can't help connect this week of focused prayers to the timing of God's movement for us. We have been anxiously waiting for his encouragement to make this move, and after a week of focused prayer I feel he has answered it perfectly. 

These pauses will no doubt come in handy in the next three weeks especially!

Day Seven - Week One

Ya'll, I have been pausing a lot since yesterday!  ...first, because my anxious heart needed it, then because God is showing off and I can't help but give pause for praise and thanksgiving!

Get this. Back in April we visited our new little town, hoping to soon have plans solid enough to move forward with our plans to move there. We looked at properties and rentals and dreamed about our new little life. We did find a house and property that we thought would be perfect for us, though we couldn't actually rent it because the timing wasnt right just yet. 

It had three acres of property, a very nearby fishing pond, woods to play in, a short drive to work/church and a community pool. It was a comfortable size for our family, and included a space for a school room. It had a front porch that overlooks an incredible view ..it was wonderful.

When we got home we contacted the owners and shared our love of their home and asked them to let us know how things go as far as their renting it. We heard back from them pretty quickly, saying they would love to rent their house to us and they would let us know. We chatted back and forth over the next few weeks - they offering to hold the house, us deciding that we would let God lead us as to timing of the move and passing up on that offer. We knew that God would help it be available when the time came if it was the house for us. 

Yesterday, after finding out that our house here in SC was rented, we contacted the owners of that home immediately. We were sad to find out the house had been rented 3 days before! Bummer. Yet, we knew that God had a plan for us.   I observed all the pauses yesterday! 

Then, not four hours after we contacted the owners ...they wrote us back. Would you believe that the people who had rented the house just three days before needed out of their lease? What? 

Yes, indeed. The house is ours {insert giddy squeal}.

[Insert here a week or so of stressful moving details ..cancelling utilities, setting up new ones, working on jobs, packing, cleaning..etc. Fast forward to 10 days before we pull out from our home of 9 years ....]

Then, here is a part 2 regarding a fast from stress :)

Stress N' Things ...2

I have learned that there are some physical things that help inspire a peace by allowing me to manage what I have well. "What I have" may be limited time, limited money or limited energy but physical things that help manage these better, are things worth having.

I have spoken about a few of these things, calling them "Less Stressed Tools" ...a few of those are my Car Bucket, my Study Bag,  and my Haan Steam Mop.  These physical things help me decrease stress in different ways but all help me to order my world a bit better.

One of the others is my Large Utility Tote, by ThirtyOne. This tote helps relieve stress that is created when I take three busy boys to the grocery store. I place my Large Utility Tote in the top portion of my grocery cart, and fill it with groceries as I shop. When I get to the checkout, instead of juggling kids, groceries and coupons I simply pull out my tote and place it directly on the conveyer belt. As the cashier rings up my groceries, she empties the groceries. By the time its time to bag them up, the bagger can place them directly back into the tote. My Large Utility Totes makes for an easy transfer to the car and the house.

My laptop also is a physical thing that helps me manage my tasks, and thus my level of stress better. Being able to take my laptop wherever I need to write, check emails, look up homeschool resources, or follow an online recipe that I am too lazy to print.  It also helps me manage my budget, my home business and keep in touch with my far away family on a regular basis.

Project Life is another physical thing that has much potential for peaceful inspiration. Project Life is a physical thing that represents things far from physical ..namely memories, family, friends and allows me to recount all the reasons I have to be thankful. Read about Project Life here.

Another ThirtyOne product that inspires peaceful management of my home is my Square Utility Tote. This little guy has 1000 uses, but the way I find myself using it the most is at the library! The library is an essential part of any homeschool and ours is no different. It is often a stressful chore, however with an 18month old trying to escape and his brothers piling books up like their candy!  I have found that I can carry the max number of books our card will allow with ONE arm using this tote!  It has made this chore MUCH less stressful for me :)

Oh, and I almost forgot ..my BINDERS ..these are some of my favorites. Read about them here! I love them!

Certainly physical things aren't the source peace. Peace can only be found with the Spirit indwelling in our hearts. I believe, though that God has blessed us with the ability to create and enjoy physical things that add to the joy we get to experience on a more spiritual level.

Thank you for letting me share some of mine ...I would LOVE to hear some of yours!

Stress n' Things

Stress and things have a strong partnership. They are as notorious as Bonnie and Clyde.

Stress goes with lots of stuff...or does it necessarily?

Of course, any discussion of getting one's life in order should start with what you have that you dont need. What you need to get rid of, what clutter can you eliminate and what things can you dispose of in effort to simplify and cleanse your life of unneeded stress.

I think that getting rid of things is most refreshing myself.

One thing I have learned though, is that some things are worth having if they help to decrease your stress instead of add to it.

It's not necessarily a matter of a less stressed you needing no "stuff", it's just that you need the right "stuff".

Having the right items around you that help you stay organized and feel less frazzled, these are good things to hold onto. Some things can add to your overall sense of peaceful living, and these are things worth having.

In the course of the last few years, as my focus as turned so much to decreasing stress in my own life I have been very purposeful in looking for and keeping things that help inspire peace, and getting rid of the ones that don't.
Some tips I go by ...

* If I don't have a place for it, then it's not worth the stress. If I think it IS worth the stress, I will get rid of something else to make room for it. But I dont have place for it, no matter how fabulous it is I dont want it.

* If having it helps me manage my resources well in one way or another, keep it...the key to that one is not to keep it if you THINK it should help you manage your resources, but if it actually DOES help you manage your resources well (that treadmill in the corner collecting clothes? ..yeah, I have one too, but it it worth the stress it causes?)

* If it stresses me out to look at it ..get rid of it. If its clothes that havent fit in 5 years, a picture frame I hate, dishes dont match or a purse that is ugly. ..get rid of it.  There are too many things to love out there, lets not waste our space or pennies on stuff that we dont like!

* If I dont have the resources to take care of it or maintain it - nuh uh. If it creates stress by how much attention it needs, then its not worth it.

* If it makes me smile when I see or use it, keep it. Its a winner.


Having things is not a bad thing. It's being choosy about what things you have, keep and maintain. All things require resources at one point or another, its up to you to make sure the resources they require are worthy of what you have to give to it.

Over the next week I want to share some things with you that I have deemed worthy of my resources. Some of them are things I have talked about before (i.e., "Less Stress Tools") , some I will share for the first time.

To get things started though ..let's do a giveaway of a thing that just may help you live more peacefully ..what do you say?!

{Welcome ifellowshippers ..so glad you came to visit!}

Pride Before Stress ..2

Thinking of our Stress List, how many things on there can we attribute to things that are there because of pride or lack of humility?

How many things are there because we don't ask for help, because we cant admit a plan doesn't work or that something is out of control, because we can't get over something or because our pride won't give it up?

I can think of a few examples from my own Stress List ...

I am having some difficulty with my neighbor. There have been letters, angry phone calls, threats of calling animal control (my dumb dog), actual visits from animal control, cd's made of my dog barking ...yeah. its been a good one. I stewed about it for a few days, trying to plan my response that needed to be graceful yet pointed.  One day I realized it was being incredibly prideful by not simply apologizing for  our part in her frustrations and work more diligently (we had worked hard to start with, but it wasn't enough to really relieve the situation).

It was not easy (I got me some pride)...but a little humility has allowed me to mark several things related to that situation off my Stress List (not sure about hers, but here is hoping).

Mount Laundrymore is a big issue in our house. I constantly struggle with keeping it under control. But managing the laundry of four boys who seemed to create dirty clothes exponentially was just more than I could handle, but it took some humility to ask that. This week, I finally asked my husband to help me with it. I have enlisted my boys' help too. A little humility has helped me stay caught with my laundry all week, which helped that part of the Stress List.

How often have I not let go of processes, plans, subscriptions, unfinished projects and outgrown clothes to the detriment of my Stress List? Many times, I can tell you.

Pride can be a huge contributor to our stress ...and it takes some humility to recognize it.

It takes some humility to use our Stress Strategies ..each and every one of them. It takes humility to get rid of, get done, get control of, get over, change our plan and be willing to change our perspective on things. It takes humility to realize that God is only one with the divine power to give us our "everything we need" and to be willing to accept it.

What is on your Stress List today that you can relieve with a bit of humility? ..comon' you can admit it ;)

Pride Before Stress

I have been mulling this post for a couple of weeks now. It is inspired by someone I don't know, who shared a struggle at a meeting of moms that I was guest of earlier this month.  She shared her heart regarding a need for support and a confession of the pride that had prevented her from seeking it for far too long.

The struggle itself was one I can relate to, at least in small part. But it was the emphasis on pride that affected me the most. She spoke of how pride had kept her from sharing her burden with others, how it had prevented her from reaching out to those who loved her the most and how it was the reason she had suffered through it for so long.

I can completely relate to that struggle.

It has began a root of thinking in my own mind, as I have realized myself how pride can keep us from fully accessing our "everything you need" of 2 Peter 1:3. I have realized the last few weeks how pride can stand in direct opposition to situations when God desires to bless us, and we deny him the pleasure of doing so because of our lack of humility.

We girls do this alot I have noticed. We like to be martyrs. We like to be the ones that are juggling it all, and somehow like the satisfaction of knowing we did all ourselves. I have had several situations arise the past few weeks in my own life, where I realized God was giving me what I needed in the moment and I pushed it away for the sake of pride.

Maybe a friend offers to watch the kids on a day when I am frustrated and overwhelmed ..."no, no ..I am okay." 

Or maybe my husband offers to do whatever he can to help .."no, no I got it."

Or maybe we take on more than we can handle because "should" be able to handle it or because if we don't we will look bad (or so we think).

Maybe we don't admit we need help because then people will know we are overwhelmed, frustrated and weary.

Maybe we don't let others help us because it would give them upper hand somehow.

I know it takes a considerable amount of humility to be able to accept what God has given us, when we need it. Pride can easily get in the way of what he gives us on a daily basis, both in our own spirits and through the support of those around us.

I know my pride has, many times.

And, while we are at it ..how often does pride effect our Stress List?  That warrants another post for sure ....

{hey ifellowshippers ...hope you will check out Pride Before Stress...2 before you leave :)

Too Much?

..when is the "unavoidable" stress more than necessary for any given task or process?

I have been pondering how there are things that are simply stressful because they use resources (time, energy, effort, money) ..remember that stress happens when what we have and what we need to have is off balance.

There are processes in our days that are stressful because we are using lots of resources to make them happen.  But, at what point do you know that you are using more resources than you need to for that task or process? And, at what point do you need to reevaluate if the process is a) worth the use of resources and b) how can we rearrange our resources so that this thing isnt such a strain on what we have?

I realized this week that I use this principle alot in my life ..and I wanted to share because it is the way that I sort through properly managing my limited resources.


First, is it worthy?  ..I have talked about this before here.

This thing, task, process that we are pouring our resources into ..is it worth it at all?  Is it worth taking your time, energy, effort away from other things that are that important and worthy? No? ..then get rid of it.

It is worth it?  Yes? ..Then, we need to work on a new plan!


An area that I am really working through this line of thinking is our homeschool curriculum.

I talked about K12 the first of the year, and then I told you that I hadnt actually used the material but I wanted to share what I knew of it. Well, having used it for 6 weeks now, I can tell you it is major use of our resources. Translated, it is a major area of stress for these Steedly Boys and their mama! :)

I have applied these questions to this area of our homeschooling...is it worth the stress?

School..yes.

Teaching my children at home is worth the resources to me. Its worth the time, energy, effort and resources that I am giving to it.  I want to be doing this, and I feel it is the best thing for these particular little men that I am responsible for training.

Now ..is school in this particular way, method or process worth it? perhaps, not.

Honestly, the materials are good and the "free" is great. It is well structured, organized way to school your kiddos at home. I would encourage you to look into it more if you are looking to school your kids at home, and are ready for a challenge.

The challenge for us is not that the work is too difficult, we are aces at the work itself. But, the massive use of our time, effort and energy is disproportionate to our goals for educating Ty at home, and the resources we can best (for him, and me) give to it.

 We are required as part of an online charter school, to give 6 hours of schooling instruction a day. We are required to meet in online classes for 2 hours a week, 2 more if we have a hard time in the first 2 hours.  The online classes are over and above the daily lessons that are required.  We are required to complete at least 7 subjects a day/5 days a week, many of which are supposed to take 45 minutes to an hour to complete.

While the lessons are not overly difficult (in fact, we have had to jump way ahead to get Ty to a place where he feels challenged) ..the massive amount of work and hours required to complete it, is not worth the amount of resources and stress that is demanded of a 5 year old :)

In other words...school is important and a very worthy thing to put our resources into, this plan however, is requiring more than its fair share of what is needed to meet our goals. Its too stressful!


The task is a good one (just like keeping the house clean, finding time with God, doing laundry) but this way, this method, this plan makes the task more difficult that it needs to be.

I feel like I can say that about alot of things that I have already deemed worthy of my resources! I know that keeping my home is a worthy task. I know that keeping the laundry caught up is worth my effort. I know that managing my budget well is worth the time and energy I give to it ...but it is still more stressful that it needs to be?

It may be time to get a new plan or get control of that area!

Can you think of any areas of your life to apply this? I hope so! ...our resources are too limited to be giving them to things that can just as well be done in better, more efficient ways.

Stress and Your Family: Part 2

Dont forget to enter for our Scentsy Giveaway! We will post an update later today!

This was part 2 of a post that was posted originally in June of 2008, it was edited for length

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Okay, we talked about husbands...and those realizations have made a huge difference in how I have looked at him the last few days :)

So also when I realized some even more interesting things about my kids' stress.

I asked the question, how does stress effect them, and what does their stress look like? Conversely, how do I reduce their stress?

I found answers that encouraged me, alarmed me, and inspired me to be more alert to all of our stress levels. Here are some things I picked up on as a evidence of their stress ...

• Whining
• Fit throwing ..both more than their usual personalities
• Mean to siblings, or friends
• Discipline issues
• Physical aggression

Some things I have noted that cause them stress ...

• Lack of proper sleep
• Lack of proper rest (this may not be sleep, but just quiet)
• Too busy of a schedule
• Lack of consistent discipline
• Lack of routine (kids thrive on knowing what to expect!)
• MY stress stresses my kids
• Yelling (this one makes me sad ...and I have to work on it)
• Lack of healthy eating (especially protein intake)
• Too much sugar (this one is big for my kids!)
• Dehydration
• Lack of one-on-one time
• Clutter in their spaces (I was little shocked by that one!)
• My being on the phone or the internet

Its amazing, to note that when my kids have these stressors our discipline issues greatly increase. I can just about promise you if Ty is being especially hard to get along with, I have not given him the time he needs today. If they are getting hard to manage in public, could it be you need to be home more? If they are getting really whiney, consider if they have eaten, when and what? Dont forget water!

Think about what stress does to you, then imagine that your precious babies are feeling that same feeling. Is there something that I can do, or NOT do that will keep that from happening?
How often does YOUR stress effect them? Think about that bad day, that day you are feeling bad or are overwhelmed...where are the kids? what are they doing? what are they experiencing when they watch you in that state?

I for one, feel more motivated to keep my stress under control!

Some things I have considered to help their stress levels ...

• Control mine.
• Keep a schedule that allows them proper naps/quiet time
• Make sure they get proper meals, and fluid intake
• Make sure to schedule one-on-one times
• Consistent discipline ..if you say it, then follow through
• Keep a routine they can count on ..we make sure to do all our running around in the morning, so we can count on afternoon at home.
• Order in their spaces..its weird, but they seem more calm when they know where their things are, and where they go when they are done playing
• Using calm words, controlling my voice
• THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO RELIEVE THEIR STRESS...PLAY WITH THEM!

I know that I fall into the temptation of thinking being home is enough. I have to remind myself (or they will remind me!) that I need to really BE there, with them..one on one, eyeball to eyeball, skin to skin, toy to hand.

Remember, they are our purpose. NOTHING is more important than this job we have to do. NOTHING on your list is more important than those precious moments when you forget the dishes and play trains with your little boy. Your little girl will not forget the time you played tea party, dressup or make over (but not if the laundry is done).

One more thing, if you are aware of your kids love language then use that as a very useful way to reducing stress. Does focused time with your kids make a noted difference? Then set the timer for 15 minutes, and give it to them. Does touch create a connection with your babies? Then touch them every chance you can get, set the timer for 15 minutes and cuddle while you read a book. On days when they are driving you the most crazy, grab them up, consider their stress, and DESTRESS them.

Its energy worth using. Its time you cant get back...dont waste it on stress, for you or your kids!

Stress and Your Family: Part 1

Dont forget to enter for our Scentsy Warmer giveaway! 

 This is a post that was originally posted on June 10th, 2008. Rereading it today was a great reminder for me ..it is edited for length (I am seriously wordy, but I am working on it)

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Since I have determined that managing this home well, and leading those therein is my purpose and passion right now, it kinna changes how I look at the jobs I have to do here. I see my husband and my children as my most important job and responsibility.

Since I have started looking at them that way, I have started to consider what stress they are under? What stresses out the husband? What about my kids? What does their stress look like? What do I need to do to decrease all of THEIR stress levels? How does my stress effect them?

Lets start with Husbands ...

Since every one of these is different, they each would have their own triggers that causes stress. They carry so much weight with their jobs, family obligations, church obligations, financial pressure, pressure to provide, pressure to be good husbands and be Christian men in the world.

Our homes are to be their havens. Their center in the storm, their place of comfort and LEAST stress. I realize that there are alot of things that I can change to make it more so for him...

If you noticed that your being late to things causes him stress, its worth the effort to make the effort to be better about it.

If he says that having certain areas of the house out of control (the office, his closet) cause him stress, then help him to maintain a sense of order there (it may not be fair, but ...its our job)

If not having socks, underwear or other essentials available when he needs them is stressful, we need to make the effort to stay up on our laundry for his sake.

If it stresses him out to run out of deodorant, then try to make sure there is always a spare under the bathroom sink.

Arent sure what adds stress? Or are you really ready to make this a priority? Ask him. You may be surprised with his response!

With effort, and a mindset of service (and a little humility) we can make our homes havens for them, and in turn us. It speaks love to these boys to attempt to care for them, its tough but so worth it! You know your man better than anyone, so you know those things that give him a sense of "ahh, its good to be home"  ...

A 10-minute nag-free break when he first gets home, before handing him his "hunny please do" list

Energy for him at the end of the day ;)

Homecooked meals, or a cookie jar full of his favorite cookie


Watching the football game with him ..oh, and asking questions.


Allowing him a guilt-free golf trip, or night out with the guys 


Remember, when we manage our stress well,  then we get to give it to the things and people that are the most important. Even more so, when you CHOOSE to conserve your energy for those things and people.

What I have noticed myself, is when I do focus on me decreasing his stress level, I end up doing myself a favor as well. Often, the things that cause him stress (not having the laundry caught up) also cause me stress. When I use him as a motivation, I get the benefit of a 2 for 1 deal :)

Its a wonderful cycle.

Can you confess to something that you do that causes stress, and what you can do to make it better this week? Comon, we are all in the same boat here!

Whatcha Got?

I have been noting something about stress and its relationship to my resources.

Our stress levels have a very close relationship to what resources we have to give to the things that we want or need to get done. If we have the resources, be they time, money, or energy then when something requires those resources we are able to respond. If, however, those resources are in short supply when they are required of us, then stress ensues.

Think about it in terms of your budget. When you have budgeted $120 for the electric bill, then when it comes and it is $115 ..you are golden. No stress, no strain on the resources because they were already assigned for that need. If, however, you did not budget at all or budget $60 instead, then that bill would be a major stressor that month!

Same with our resoures - they require a degree of "budgeting" or at least identifying the areas where they are needed and used the most.  Coupling that with our priority list and what we need to reserve our resources for, we can use them better.

If you need a reminder of what we are calling resources ...go here and here.

For me, budgeting my resources means that I evaluate what I have available to me today. I have found that resources are dynamic ..they shift with situations, hormones, statuses of relationships, amount of sleep I got last night, this month's paycheck, my schedule, etc.

Today, I may have some time, a little energy, alot of motivation for doing what God has planned for me. Tomorrow, I may be a little short in any and all of those areas. Noting where you are at any given time is important ..ask the question, "what do I have to give today?"  ..or, even better "what has God given me as my "everything I need" today?"

 At this point,  its a good idea to pray and ask God to both show you what you have, and what he has for you to do.  My most frequent prayer is "show me the priorities you have assigned me and give me what I need to accomplish those things."  You may be surprised when those priorities have nothing to do with laundry or vacuuming. :)

Then, one more step is realizing what your budget will allow of you ..what can you do, and what do you need to let go of? Its the hard part, but sometimes you have to not answer the phone from that particular friend,  be okay with a messy living room, stay home for the afternoon, say no to a friend for a request for you to babysit. On the other hand, being able to identify what is the most important and where your priorities are you may find that you are able to sit and read to your little one,  spend some special time with your husband,  declutter a room,  write a note to someone,  pay that bill or perhaps you need to do that laundry for the sake of your family.

I have found for me, that my heart is much more at rest when I know what I have and how I need to use it. I have a much easier time letting go and saying, "I just dont have the resources for that today." (I really do say that on a regular basis!)


What does your budget look like today?  Are you rested, or weary? Are you emotionally stable, or feel a little on edge? Is your schedule full, or lite today?  Is your mind cluttered, or feeling sharp? ...note those resources and then pray God will show you how to use them!

Not My Own

Another motivating factor for me, in respect to getting my stress levels under control, is the fact that my stress is not only my own.

As mothers, wives, administrators of our homes, the female influence in our churches and as we work in all the roles that come with those things, we have major influence on those around us.

When I am stressed, and allowing that stress to effect me in such a way that my life, mood, attitude is not reflecting that of Christ, then I am hurting the influence I may have for Christ in my world. When you think about the influence you have, with husbands, children, friends, shop clerks, customer service reps, strangers ..etc, etc., etc. ...we have alot of potential damage or encouragement to give.

Often, its the mother or woman of the house that sets the mood. If it is one of stress and anxiety, there is no way around it not effecting your home as well. If you have children, your stress effects both their stress levels, and what they perceive to be stressful. If you have a husband, your stress has direct effect on your relationship..right? What about how you speak with the customer service rep on the phone when there is a problem with your bill? Or the check out lady has messed up your coupons :)

When we allow our stress to overwhelm us, we cant be fooled into thinking that it only affects us. Think about times when someone close to you is stressed out the max, how did you feel when you were with them? Do you feel at peace, or a bit stressed yourself?

It makes this whole effort to de-stress ourselves an important focus. Its not only for our own sake, but for that of the kids, hubby and those around us. It doesnt mean that choas will not happen. But, it means that when it happens we are calm in the center of the storm. We need to be the ones that they look to for focus, redirecting, and control.

Week 1: The Stress We Confess

This week's discussion is focused on recognizing the degree of stress we all face as women in general, and Christian woman specifically.
As wives, moms, grandmothers, sisters, friends, working women, or single women we carry the weight of the lives we lead. To add to that we bear the spiritual burden of being everything we need to be as a Christian, and working for God's Kingdom.

God knows us, though. And that is why He never intended for us to bear this load alone. The Spirit was sent from the beginning to be a helper for us!
Christ told His disciples before He left them the final time that, “These things I have spoken to you while abiding with you. "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.” John 14:25-26 - NTSB
Equipped with the gifts of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, faithfulness and self-control), we are able through the Spirit to accomplish all the tasks that we are called to ...I find peace in that truth.
We are also told in 2 Peter 1:3 .."that His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness."
If you are anything like me, then you don't know where your "everything" has gone! We think often, "there is only so much of me to go around!" and "how am I gonna get all this done?" If I have everything I need, and the Spirit is there to help me along ..then why am I so overwhelmed and feel so depleted with nothing else to give?

For me, I realized rather profoundly that it has so much to do with stress, and how it affects my body, mind and spirit.
Does stress directly prevent the movement of the Spirit in my life? Not necessarily.
However, because stress affects us through its energy-draining qualities, mind muddling characteristics and heart wearying symptoms, it may keep us from fully experiencing the gifts promised through the Holy Spirit residing in us.
When we are overwhelmed, overworked, overextended, overtired and frustrated with all the stresses that come with our abundant lives we aren't in the state of body, mind or spirit to experience those gifts.
Decreasing our stress levels goes beyond it just being "good for us" - we are called to a higher purpose, and so we must get rid of everything that is hindering us from being everything we need to be in Christ.

Are you ready to get rid of some of this stress? Me too.



Personal Pondering Point: What stresses do you feel the most when it comes to the life you lead? Which ones seem the most prominent and to be the most weight-bearing?
Verse of the Week: 2 Peter 1:3 -"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."
Some thoughts to get our discussion going ...

• Of the gifts of the Holy Spirit that we are promised, which ones do you find the most comforting? Why?
• Which of your many roles do you find the most stressful? Why?
• Has anything regarding stress or the Holy Spirit really struck you hard this week?